In order for our children to meet our usually high expectations, we need to set a good example as parents. Below are some tips to encourage that good and compliant behaviour we want to see in our children.
1) NO Negative Language
As much as possible, use positive language with your children. Praise them often! Be on a constant look out for good behaviour and reward with positive affirmation. When you use a lot of encouraging language, ‘good listening, good sitting, good waiting, good watching’, the child is happy with themself and wants to please you further, hence avoiding negative behaviour.
If your child obeys on the first request, PRAISE IMMEDIATELY. Avoid thinking that ‘they should have done it anyway’. This becomes a habit for you and your child. Your child will be more likely to form good habits and stay on good terms with you.
2) NO Repeated Threats
At times we can all get a little carried away with those negative threats. ‘Stop shouting or you won’t get to play outside’ or ‘finish up your dinner or no treat’. While threatening your child may still work to motivate an action, it can create quite an unpleasant atmosphere in your home.
Instead of using words such as ‘STOP’ and ‘NO’, use more encouraging language. EG: ‘Johnny, when you speak nicely, this makes Mummy feel happy’ or ‘you need to finish your dinner so you become strong and grow. If you finish all your food, you can get a treat!’
3) NO Shouting
Shouting is a habit. The more we shout at our children, the more negative we become. It is often a snowball effect. Shouting obviously makes our children upset. They feel unhappy when mummy is unhappy. Often, they may become moody when we display negative or an even aggressive attitude towards them. We don’t want our children obeying us out of fear.
We should try to teach our children to obey out of love and respect. Here are some things we can say to our children:
“We listen to Mummy because we love her and want to make her happy, not because we have to.”
“We help to pack up our toys because we don’t want to leave the house messy. Other people also live in this house so we need to keep it tidy.”
When children are young, they are like a sponge and will take in everything you are saying. They mimic your behaviour, good or otherwise. If we are constantly teaching our child to do things out of love, they will surely follow in our footsteps. Instead of doing actions because they have to, they will begin to do so simply to please!
Originally posted 2015-06-10 12:00:39.
I’m all for no. 1 and 3, but not sure about no. 2. Toddler and preschoolers need clear and simple direction, they tune out with too much talking. Constantly explaining that something makes ‘mummy sad’ is also draining on parents’ time, kids need to hear ‘no’ and be respectful of it. It doesn’t mean that parents need to take the hardline all the time but children are not always in need of an explanation.