You’re Having Your [insert number] Child?

In the last few months we announced to family and friends that we were having our fourth child. At present we have three children under six and our eldest is not yet at school though he will be next year. We knew the responses would be mixed, but we weren’t quite prepared for how significant these responses would be.

On the positive side, we had many like-minded family and friends who were overjoyed with our news and were hardly surprised that we were having another child. Their support and excitement has been very encouraging.

I must admit that after telling our wider friends and acquaintances the response was mostly one of surprise, or disbelief. The most common question I had to answer was this: ‘Are you crazy?’ or variations of the same. I would like to clarify that I am not crazy, though I might be countercultural. I would also like to clarify that yes we do own a television and yes, we do know how babies are created. We might chose not to use contraception or ‘birth control’ but we are not irresponsible with Natural Family Planning either though I must confess that a couple of follicular cysts did help us achieve this pregnancy.

A good friend of mine, who is not Catholic, admitted that having a fourth child was just foreign to her. Three children was about the limit she’d seen and was familiar with. She was initially apprehensive for me but once she saw how excited and happy I, and my little family, were about the baby she has proved to be one of my strongest supports and is almost as excited as I am.

But even in my limited experience of having children, we have been dogged with questions about our family from day one, some positive, some negative.

After we had our first child we were left alone for a little while before we announced that we were expecting our second and the age gap would be nineteen months. We were crazy – couldn’t we have waited any longer?

Then after we had a girl and completed the pigeon pair we were constantly asked if we would stop now that we had one of each? Of course we didn’t and the age gap between our second and third children is 22 months. To this I was told, anything under an age gap of 2 years is too close. As a mother of three under four at the time of our third child’s birth I was seen as imprudent.

And of course, as I have detailed, number four has opened another can of worms but the bigger and more concerning for some of our family and friends is when we will stop having children. Is this going to be your last child is a question we are frequently asked to which we inevitably reply that we have no idea. We may stop at four but we might not either and that’s ok, because we will make the decision that is best for us and our family at that time.

With three children we already receive the ‘large family supplement’ from the Family Assistance Office which we both think is hilarious and we know that once we get past five children a van is our next purchase and I’m not really keen on that idea I must confess but I’ll cross that bridge if and when we come to it.

Yes, sometimes having three children at home can be challenging but it’s not something I would change for the world. Yes, having number four may seem daunting to some but for me adjusting to number two has proved the hardest. Once I could cope with two I was used to dividing my time between my children and number three quickly and seamlessly fitted into our domestic life.

Number four will bring its challenges just as our eldest starting school and our number two child starting preschool next year around the same time will also throw up issues of their own. But the truth remains, our children are wanted and loved and if we can continue to provide for and nurture children even if we have more than four, then it shouldn’t be an issue for anyone else as to how many children we have.

I’m proud to be expecting number four and that won’t change even if other people think I’m crazy.

Originally posted 2013-11-01 03:23:15.