Our eldest child is five and a half and he has never received a present from Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, neither have our subsequent children. Early on in our marriage my husband and I each voiced our disapproval of the commercialisation and secularisation of Christmas and Santa Claus particularly. We wanted to keep our children from thinking that Christmas was all about getting what you want.
We are not against Santa Claus, nor do we begrudge anyone who delights in this tradition, but what we didn’t like was when seeing family and friends on Christmas Day and the first thing they asked our children was: ‘What did Santa bring you for Christmas?’
I know a lot of people think we are the Grinch who stole Christmas. I recently read posts in a local Facebook Mums group that turned nasty when a mother admitted that she hadn’t done Santa. Another mother told her, in no uncertain terms, that she was ridiculous and ‘I suppose you don’t do the Easter bunny of the tooth fairy either?’ Other mums came out in support and more balanced and measured replies were posted but the whole thing really got me thinking.
You see, we don’t do Santa, and would be fair less likely to do the Easter bunny – you should hear my husband on the subject – and I’d prefer not to do the tooth fairy thing either. So, am I ruining my children’s childhood?
Here’s the thing, added to the fact that we haven’t done the whole Santa thing, we also don’t open any presents in our house until after we have attended Mass on Christmas morning (we do the same at Easter too). So yes, our children turn up to Mass on Christmas morning without having woken us up early to see what Santa has given them, or having opened any presents.
And that’s just how we like it. We feel that doing it this way our children are focused on the truth of Christmas first. Mass first, family second, presents last.
But now our eldest is at preschool and off to school next year and talk of Santa has reached a crescendo in our house this year as his friends talk about what they want Santa to bring them for Christmas. In the last couple of months I have already had to answer such questions as: ‘Is Santa real?’
We have never told our children that Santa is not real, but we have tried to explain that Santa Claus is another way of saying Saint Nicholas. We talk about Saint Nicholas and how much he loved God and did wonderful things for other people.
Our children have a small knowledge of Saints, they know they are each named after a Saint, and that they can pray to them to ask for help. They also know that Saints live in Heaven with God. Of course the idea of Saint Nicholas living in Heaven is a fair bit different to the idea of Santa Claus living at the North Pole.
And so, we had been debating whether or not this might be the year to start the Santa Claus tradition, though neither of us really wanted to. To do so feels like we are being hypocritical. And so, at this point, this Christmas will be like all of the previous ones, devoid of the secularised Santa Claus.
We might have to remind people that we don’t do Santa but considering we’ve been doing that for five years anyway it doesn’t seem any different.
And so I’m interested to know, how do you undertake the Santa Claus tradition in your house? And what other Christmas traditions do you like to undertake in your house?
Originally posted 2013-11-19 08:19:33.
Hi Emily,
Thanks for this lovely article. It is interesting to see different family traditions for the seasons not just in society but also in catholic circles. I know of families who like yourselves don’t do Santa Clause. I also know of families who leave the present-giving ’til the feast of the epiphany. In our family, we have gone along with the Santa Clause tradition (mainly to not spoil it for others) but we try to keep the focus on Jesus as the true meaning of Christmas. As we often go to the vigil mass sat evening, the children can wake up to their gifts from “Santa” but prayers and make special note with the children of putting baby Jesus in the nativity scene. As yet, we have not done Christmas at home (extended family in wagga and Melbourne, so we have alternated Christmas and new yrs between the two each yr), so we are currently forging our own traditions whilst celebrating theirs (we’re hoping this yr though to begin Christmas in our own home before going onto extended families).
Sorry bit of a long winded reply…..
In my family we go to midnight mass, come back home & one of the little ones put baby Jesus in the crib which we have created during the 4 weeks of Advent (part of the tradition is every night of Advent we get to put a piece of straw in the crib for every good thing we did and a piece gets taken away for every bad thing we did hence slowly, hopefully, making a bed for the baby Jesus. St Nicholas and the angels visit our house Christmas eve & they decorate our tree and give a few stocking gifts. The focus has always been on the story of St Nicholas and the birth of Jesus.
Easter is centred around Holy Thursday where the story mum & dad tell is that the angels take the bells to Rome for the Pope to bless and if we have made a good lent and behave on the way back from Rome on Easter Vigil night the angels will drop the eggs on their way back to returning the bells.
I think its about finding out and deciding what’s important & what traditions work best for you.
We have struggled with what to do since having kids as well. My in-laws seem to have managed it successfully so we are following what they did for now. We ‘do’ Santa in our home, but he just fills the kids stockings with some sweet treat and token gifts (no big gifts). We do the santa photo each year, we write a letter and leave some milk and cookies out. We think of it as keeping a bit of the childhood anticipation of magic in Christmas that I remember from being a kid. My in-laws still do this with their 17 & 18yo children that live at home. Once their kids were old enough to question Santa’s existence they were told he isn’t real but that it’s fun to pretend and keep some magic about it so they continued to write letters, leave out milk and cookies and carrots for Santa and his reindeer. Now that their youngest kids are older it’s quite amusing on Christmas day to read the funny letters the kids leave for ‘santa’ about who behaved and why they deserve things and ‘santa’s’ witty reply. It’s all just a bit of fun. The focus for them, and for us, has always been Jesus Christ including all the usual Church services (at two different denominations of Church, so there’s no lacking in exposure!). I think everyone just has to do what they’re comfortable with and what works for them, but it is possible to incorporate it whilst maintaining the focus on Christ.
We do the same as Clare. The focus on gifts is twofold. Stockings are put out by the children on Christmas eve for the little presents left by the Baby Jesus that the angels bring. Presents from parents and siblings are left under the tree. Children know the difference. Yes, about 10 to 12 years old the children suspect or know that it is not the angels who decorate the tree and bring gifts, but it is something that they have enjoyed through their childhood and we have found that even though the older ones know, they have wanted the younger ones to experience this as well ! (by the way I have 12 children over 25 years). Our aim has been to develop / take on traditions from all over the world that can be woven into the beautiful and more important dates in the church calendar. The intention is to make them more attractive to the small children and to teach them about faith, hope and charity.
There are so many beautiful Catholic traditions out there that can be adopted and modified, and they do not contradict or diminish the beliefs or faith.
It is a pity that some parents take a puritanical view of things, let children be children and have a childhood . . . after all, you probably had one !
Great article. You’ve really hit on an ongoing concern among Catholics with young families. I think we’re all conscious that Christmas celebrations have been well and truly hijacked my atheists and overrun by commercialism. We still do Santa, but my wife and I also place a lot of emphasis on St Nicholas’ feast day, December 6. For the past few years we celebrate this feast day and the kids leave their shoes by the fireplace the night before. In the morning they get some chocolate gold coins (read story of St Nic) and also some Christmas tree decorations. We still have Santa Claus, who we always make a big point that it’s Saint (Santa) Nicholas (Claus). As soon as they ask if Santa’s real, I plan to fess up straight away. I don’t mind a bit of magic, but I worry that they’ll think our faith is based on fairy tales…
We have never had Santa. My eldest is 14. I tell them the truth and have told them not to ruin it for others at school because they will choose to believe in their own family. Christmas in Australia means that the kids are on holidays for weeks before and after Christmas and there isn’t the peer pressure of comparing gifts. If anyone asks my kids what they got from Santa, I usually chime in with – tell them what you got for Christmas. We haven’t had any problems so far.
P.s. We also don’t do the Easter bunny or tooth fairy. I do give them a good coin for their teeth so if the get asked about what the tooth fairy brought they can honestly reply that they got $1 for their tooth, without mentioning the tooth fairy.
We don’t do Santa. My kids range from 4 to 16 and they all know that santa is not real. They know my husband and I work very hard to provide them with their Christmas gifts. They know that if something gets broken, it can’t simply be replaced by the magic elves in the workshop. They know that the reason why the poor kids (ie in africa, ethiopia) etc don’t get presents, is not because they haven’t been good, but because their parents aren’t able to buy them anything. They know that Christmas is about Jesus, about family, about opening up our home to others and about being grateful for everything we have.
My 7 year old quite happily tells her friends that she doesn’t believe in Santa. I know this likely upsets some parents, that she is ‘ruining Christmas’ for their kids. I think it is sad that a child’s Christmas is so focused on a magical being that brings you presents, that they can’t enjoy Christmas without believing in this lie.
I figure that she has as much right to tell her friends that she doesn’t believe in Santa, that they have to tell her that they do believe in Santa. There will always be people that disagree with your beliefs, whatever that belief is, so I don’t think that you should pretend to believe in something just to keep others happy with their lies.
It works for us. Our kids love Christmas, and love the peace and simplicity that acknowledging the truth brings into our lives.