Simple Strategies for Managing Behavior (children aged 2-6)

When my son was three, he was diagnosed with mild/moderate Autism. We were fortunate to get funding and see a psychologist which has helped our family so much in terms of strategies to manage difficult or even normal behaviour in toddlers and young children.

Today, I use these strategies with all my children and find them extremely useful to keep calm and patient when dealing with different issues from tantrums to fussy eaters!

So, here we go! And strategy number one is…

Waiting Hands

Ask your child to use their ‘waiting hands’ when waiting for lunch/ or waiting to hold or see something. This calms their body and quietens them down.

Draw two outlines of hands on a piece of paper and stick it to your counter top or table. Children place their hands on it while they wait.

If they are standing and reaching out to you, waiting hands is simply clasping their hands together.

Clean Up Music

As we know, the house can get rather messy by the end of the day. Using a game to clean up is highly effective in encouraging children to pack up their toys. Line your child or children up against a wall. When the music starts, the children race to beat the music to pack up their toys.

You could try “Just a spoonful of Sugar” from Mary Poppins. This one worked well for me and was a good amount of time. Initially you may have to help your children to get them excited and keep them focused on the task.

Ask And Wait

In order to try to get your attention, children usually repeat “mummy mummy mummy” until you acknowledge them. Get down to eye level with your child and in a calm voice say “you need to ask… and wait”. When the child asks a question, they need to wait 3 seconds (no longer) before you acknowledge them.

EG: Child: “Mummy can I have more toast? … Mummy can I have more toast … Mummy can I have more toast?”

Parent: “You need to ask… and wait”.

Child: (waits 3 seconds)

Parent: “Good waiting… I will get you some toast in a minute.”

Use Positive Reinforcement

Affirm your child constantly throughout the day. The idea is to affirm children when they are playing well or behaving BEFORE a squabble starts with siblings etc.

EG: “I like the way you and your sister have been playing so nicely with one another.”

Avoid using the word ‘NO’ repeatedly. Instead of…

NO shouting! — Please use a quiet voice

NO hitting! — Please use gentle hands

NO fighting! — Play nicely together

As soon the child or children do as they are told compliment them and affirm them for “Good listening”.

Positive reinforcement takes practice but once you use affirmations daily it becomes a habit.

Good listening/ good talking/ good waiting/ good sitting/ nice standing/ good playing etc… make these phrases a habit and affirm your child constantly.

Planned Ignoring

This strategy works particularly well with whiney children or persistent children.

(NOTE: Not to be used simply to ignore a child because you don’t want to answer their question.)

Child: “Mummy I want another lolly”.

Parent: “I have told you that Mummy cannot give you another lolly because it is nearly dinner time. You have one after your dinner. Why don’t we have a piece of fruit, you can help mummy cut it up.” (Provide a reason and an alternative/ distraction for your child).

If the child continues to whine, TOTALLY ignore the child. Turn the other way and give ZERO attention. Remember, any attention given (positive or negative) is still attention towards your child.

*You may notice that a child’s behaviour may worsen before improving. If done properly, this strategy is highly effective!

Compromising

Remember that we are still raising little people, we must not set our expectations too high. We must realise that they are constantly learning and their world is changing around them.

For example, going back on something you have said isn’t necessarily bad parenting. Being fair to one child isn’t necessarily treating all your children exactly the same. Often, I may turn a blind eye to a little rudeness, knowing that she is just craving my attention if I have been chatting to mums. I acknowledge that she is simply being rude out of boredom. Usually I would never tolerate rudeness, but since she did not have my attention I understood where it is coming from.

Take into account when situations change. For example, if you have friends over your child may act more assertively, your child may trow a tantrum because she is hungry, tired, hot, cold etc. (EG: Your child’s behaviour may be more disruptive when you have friends over due to their toys being taken away or played with by other children.)

ROLE PLAYING

Role playing is and excellent way to teach children morals and ideas. A lot of ‘how do you feel, what are you thinking, what is she thinking’ can be used while roleplaying.

As children tend to be more egocentric, it can be hard for them to picture being in someone else’s shoes!

You can role play ideas such as winning/ losing, taking turns, good manners etc.

Thought Bubble

A thought bubble is a great visual aid to show your children what you are thinking or others are thinking in each moment.

EG: Billy holds the bubble above his head and says ‘Billy is thinking he wants Sally to play with him and she won’t play’…

Sally then holds it and says ‘Sally is thinking she would rather read a book and play later’.

Then the parent intervenes by saying, ‘remember everyone has different thoughts and it is okay to be thinking different things. ’