I have a theory about parenthood that I want to share with you. I firmly believe that becoming a parents makes you either predominantly selfless or selfish. Now that doesn’t mean that a selfless parent doesn’t have selfish moments and vice versa, but that for the most part you’re either thinking of others or thinking of yourself.
So I guess what I’m saying is that becoming a parent either brings out your best, or your worst, but most often than not, both. We make a choice daily to put the needs of others in our families either before, or after ours.
For all the selfless parents out there, there are glaring examples of selfish ones and this makes me recall a quote a I heard once – and I don’t know who its attributed to – which said something along the lines of ‘all children deserve parents but not all parents deserve children’. At the time this quote really got me thinking. You see, I know a young woman with a son aged 5, and she and her ex-fiance share his care. This is seriously the most terrible situation because the little boy goes from one house to another and one house has a selfish parent and the other a selfless one. My heart breaks for this little boy and it’s easy to judge the people in this situation. But the fact of the matter is that we need to value children – as a society – more than we do and we have to value good parents more than we do. Wouldn’t it be amazing to live in a society full of selfless people?
I was talking to an expectant mum recently and one of her biggest concerns was how she was going to adjust to being the mother of a dependant baby when she had been doing things her own way for the last 29 years. Whether she realises it or not, she’s already on the right path. Being a mum is hard at times and it’s so easy to feel like making a selfish choice but we have a powerful ally in our maternity, Our Lady, who is there to help us make the best decisions for our family. If we’re struggling with our selfish inclinations we only have to call on her name and she’ll intercede for us. She is the selfless mother we should be trying to emulate. She is the Mother of God. Sometimes I think we just don’t comprehend how amazing that really is!
All of this got me thinking about Jesus when he told us that unless we become like children we will not enter through the gates of Heaven. Here we have the choice to be childlike or childish. The selfless parent is childlike, the selfish parent is childish. So what is it about our children that we should be emulating? It’s not exactly going to be the terrific tantrums Miss 2 has been throwing lately is it?
Children are:
- Full of faith – they think Mummy can fix anything and believe that their parents know everything and are infallible.
- Trusting – they see the good in everyone and believe everyone is inherently good so they trust them. This one of the reasons that warning our children about the dangers of strangers.
- Joyful – I wish I could wake up in the morning and bounce out of bed the way that my kids do. Their optimism and joy at the start of every day is beautiful.
- Loving – children love unconditionally. It’s only as we mature that we become more conditional in this area.
- Innocent – they are unspoiled by sin (assuming they’ve been Baptised) and live in a state of grace! I have to go to Confession regularly to achieve that!
I choose to be a selfless mum, and I know it’s going to be a challenge because I’m a sinner and I’m selfish, but when I die I want to go to my Heavenly home and to do that I need to be more childlike. I have four beautiful examples of this in my home and I choose to cherish them, and any others that come along!
Originally posted 2014-07-22 11:33:55.