Marriage as a lifelong covenant – Fr Tony Percy explains covenants as ‘an agreement or bond that is freely established between two parties’. When man and woman come together in the Sacrament of Marriage and consummate their bond sexually, they are entering into a covenant. They accept each other as well as freely giving themselves to each other. They give everything, their whole person, body and soul, to each other without restraint. In the Bible, we learn that God makes covenants for life. He freely makes a covenant that is indissoluble. He is faithful to this covenant. We too are called to be faithful to our marriage covenants. We freely accept our spouse, and give ourselves to them for life. We must be faithful to them, for life. Despite the hardships, we are united as one flesh, forever.
Abstinence and sex outside of marriage – Human beings are made for love. Christopher West calls this the ‘urge to merge’. We feel that in ourselves, that desire for a one flesh union. We live in a sexually saturated world. A world that tells us that sex belongs only to the physical world and has no meaning outside of sensuality and pleasure. That is a lie. We are both sensual and spiritual, body and soul. And sex consummates a bond, a commitment, a covenant. Sex inside marriage leads to a profound feeling; a reality of unity. Sex outside of marriage does not. Each time you have sex, you give a part of yourself away and you leave that with every one of your sexual partners. Abstinence then, outside of marriage, is a way of safeguarding your future one flesh union. If you guard now your whole person, and give yourself sexually only to your spouse once you have established a covenant you will experience that profound sense of unity in marriage.
Love and life – By now, no doubt, it has become apparent that our sexuality and even the very intimate act of sexual intercourse is a many layered experience. And yet, there is more to come. The act of sexual intercourse is about love. Through the Sacrament of Marriage we freely choose to give ourselves to our spouse, surrendering ourselves for them, and vowing to accept and love them as they are. When we make love to our spouse we are freely giving our whole person, body and soul, to them. Without this love, this freely given gift of our whole person, the sexual act is not fulfilling nor perfect. In the instances of use or rape, there is sex without love.
Contraception – There is also something else that must be present when making love in the Sacrament of Marriage; openness to life. That is, the act of sexual intercourse must not include contraception. Why? Because is person is unique, irreplaceable. God deliberately choose this one flesh union to be the situation in which life comes in to being. A man and his wife provide the physical beginnings of a child, and God infuses a soul. In having an openness to procreation we are co- creators with God!! A wife who uses contraception by way of the Pill or a IUD is saying to her husband, ‘I love you – but not your whole person.’ Likewise, a husband wearing a condom is saying that ‘I love you, but I’m not prepared to give you that part of me that could conceive a child.’ In using contraception the couple are using each other. Therefore the act of sexual intercourse that is supposed to be open to love and life is open to neither.
Natural Family Planning – Natural Family Planning (NFP) is not a form of contraception. When a couple uses NFP they are respecting the symbolic, the nuptial meaning of their bodies. NFP encourages communication about fertility and sexuality and, says Fr Tony Percy, this is a way in which they can experience original nakedness. The Church gives four reasons for when it is acceptable to use NFP in avoiding pregnancy, and they are: physical – the health of one of the spouses, for instance; psychological – where one spouse is suffering from a mental illness such as anxiety or depression; economic – whereby the couple are experiencing financial difficulties or; social reasons such as war, undue family tension.
It should be added here that NFP can also be used to achieve a successful pregnancy.
Homosexuality – Those who suffer from same sex attractions are in a very unfortunate position and deserve our respect and prayers, but not an attitude of relativism from us; ‘let them live as heterosexual couples do, they’re not hurting anyone.’ The homosexual person cannot experience the profound unity and fulfilment of a one flesh union with a member of the same sex. Christopher West explains, ‘it’s simply impossible for two people of the same sex to have sex.’ Perhaps we ought to clarify here that homosexual people can still love, but they are not physically able to enter into a one flesh union physically speaking, nor is their union open to life. And the thing about love, real love, is this: real love does not entice the other to do wrong, it always chooses the good. Therefore, homosexuals who love each other ‘will never seek to engage in erotic behaviour with each other specifically because of their love.’ (Christopher West)
Pornography and masturbation – Pornography and masturbation are two ways in which the nuptial meaning of the body is destroyed. Those who engage in such practices slowly erode away their understanding and appreciation of human beings as body and soul. In pornography, people are viewed only as objects for sexual stimulation and pleasure. A man who repeatedly views pornography soon finds it difficult to relate to women, even his wife, in real life. He sees them only as bodies, he does not see them as anything other than sexual objects. Love is replaced by lust, and use. Masturbation is much the same. It reduces the human person to a body, and one that can be manipulated for self gratification. Oral sex for couples outside of marriage, and especially for those who would consider this as being ok being their not actually ‘doing it’, is a form of mutual masturbation.
Human sexuality, when understood correctly, is beautiful and holy. Let’s keep it that way, and encourage others to do the same!
Originally posted 2015-01-05 22:14:44.