Miss 3 will turn 4 soon and I’m already composing a text message in my head to send out to family. It’s going to read something like this:
Please avoid buying presents that emphasise the ‘prettiness’ of little girls. We would prefer presents that focus on more practical attributes.
Maybe you think that sounds a bit harsh.
Let me explain.
Too much emphasis on pretty
Miss 3 is actually our second daughter and our third child. Her older sister is much less worried about being ‘pretty’ and was, until fairly recently, your typical tomboy. Pants and t-shirts were her everyday gear and she is not afraid to be adventurous, explore or get dirty.
Miss 3, on the other hand, our fair curly haired daughter, has been fussed over from day one about how pretty she is. That is not to say that Miss 5 is not attractive, but that as a baby and toddler she was very unwell and family attentions were focused elsewhere.
Now, as a threenager, Miss 3 refuses to wear pants and assesses every outfit by how pretty she looks. Strangers down the street stop to speak to us and tell her how pretty she looks in her flouncy frilly dresses, and her presents invariably include such dresses, headbands and hair clips, sparkly shoes and the like.
For a while, hubby and I have been watching the whole thing unfold and began to wonder if, inadvertently, the focus on prettiness was leading our beautiful little girl down the road of vanity.
We have no doubt it is.
Recently I asked Miss 3: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A princess.”
“Why do you want to be a princess?” I asked, hoping for a humanitarian answer.
“So I can wear pretty dresses.”
Yep, that’s her ambition in life. Ok, she is only three but at three her older brother wanted to be a tractor driver/farmer and her older sister wanted to be a doctor, an obstetrician in fact but she couldn’t pronounce that so she called herself a baby doctor.
Turning back the tide
Miss 3 is young and we hope to nip this in the bud soon. Yes, I would like my girls to dress up for Mass, and make an effort to be neat and tidy but my emphasis would be on presentable rather than pretty.
I would like Miss 3 to understand that her self-worth and value should not be inextricably linked to her appearance, that she can do anything she puts her mind too and that actually, in fact, she is already a princess.
Yes, my daughter is a princess, just as yours is. As a child of God since her Baptism and co-heir with Christ she has a kingdom waiting in Heaven and I’m certain that being ‘pretty’ is not one of the prescriptions for getting there.
So, where to from here?
Tips for avoiding vanity:
- Try to avoid over indulging in ‘pretty’ items and encourage family members to do the same
- When your daughter asks if she is pretty, try to respond with something like: “Yes, you are pretty. And pretty helpful, pretty clever and pretty special.”
- Limit exposure to secular influences that encourage vanity and indoctrinate young girls from an early age to focus on their looks. This includes things like Barbie and Disney Princesses.
- Provide her with good role models, like Mary and other female saints, who realise that inner beauty is more important than outer. Saint Brigid of Kildare was a beautiful young woman who prayed to become ugly, therefore avoiding marriage and became a nun. There are other examples among the saints too.
- Make sure your own attitude to clothing and dress is measured and not vain. Children will follow your example.
- Expose her to good influences. I don’t usually spruik DVDs but there is one Veggie Tales DVD combination that is fantastic for encouraging inner beauty. “Sweet Pea Beauty” and “Snoodellera” are both Christian takes on fairy tales where vanity is shown to be a waste of time and bad for your soul. I highly recommend this one if your daughter is in a similar frame of mind.
Miss 3’s birthday may be a more subdued affair this year, with more practical gifts and less frivolous clothing, but I pray that, at the end of the day, we are helping her become a much more well-rounded person and placing her focus back on God who will help her realise that there are more important things than how you look.
Originally posted 2015-10-13 03:18:24.