Every time feminism becomes a battle ground between women who chose marriage and family and women who chose to put their careers first I wince as once again as feminism is lost in bickering and petty infighting about one’s life choices and aspirations.
Feminism is not a validation of every single decision a woman makes because, let’s face it, we all make mistakes and I’d rather not have those validated thanks very much. But feminism is about respecting the femininity and equality of all women in whatever walk of life and career path they choose.
Perhaps I should tell you about myself before I continue. I am 29 years of age and this year I will celebrate my seventh wedding anniversary with my husband. We have three children and I am currently 40 weeks pregnant with our fourth. I got married at 22, something I had not initially forseen; I had expected to be older, but it was a decision freely made and undertaken.
Before marriage and children I was a magazine editor, having achieved a lifelong ambition of being the founding editor of a youth magazine at 20 years of age. I was also an award winning journalist, recognised in consecutive years in the same category. I continued this work up until the birth of our third child when I felt that it was more important to spend more time at home with my children than further my career aspirations at this time. Of course, due to my age, I continue to keep my hand in the business and fully intend to return to work at a later time in the same industry.
I had the bridal and baby showers and the white wedding. And yes, I will agree that from all appearance weddings and baby showers seem very commonplace occurrences but making a marriage work and raising and forming good, tolerant and responsible people for tomorrow is no small feat and should never be taken lightly. Perhaps it is too often overlooked that it is mothers and fathers who form tomorrow’s leaders and if I am to take that responsibility lightly what sort of children am I going to contribute to our society that is awash with complex issues and situations?
Yes, I’ll admit, doing a load of laundry is much less glamorous than my former life as a magazine editor, but it is no less important. The work I put in here at home is far more integral to the future than an article I may write that will go viral for a time and then be forgotten in the enormous vacuum of cyber reality.
The reality is this: raising children is hard. It is monotonous and a fair amount of guilt and harsh self-evaluation comes with the territory. Am I being the best mother I can be? How do I better instil in my children core values and a moral compass that will make them capable and responsible adults who benefit society? All of this reflection comes in the midst of the laundry, dishes, housecleaning, disturbed sleep and organisation that comes with parenthood.
And then, on top of all of this, I am judged by my unmarried and childless peers for having made these choices. To them it appears I do no ‘real’ work and I do not contribute to society. I am a boring housewife who has not helped the feminist cause and is in fact, setting them back.
Let me be clear. I am a feminist. I believe women are equal and complementary to men and should be treated and paid accordingly. I want real gender equity and for successful women to be celebrated without being reduced to sexual objects or pretty faces – tennis player Eugenie Bochard and gymnast Beth Tweddle immediately come to mind.
Perhaps I will never be exceptional myself, and certainly not to outsiders, but I consider the work I do here to be far greater than anything I could achieve in my professional work as a journalist, blogger or editor. I would caution that continuing to undervalue individual contributions to our society, no matter how insignificant they may seem, only underlines our own inadequacies and prejudices.
The only word play that is holding us back is the bickering amongst ourselves. It is well and truly time that we, as women, stopped judging and criticising each other for our own individual choices, and instead come to the understanding that our life choices do not make us any less a feminist; I am not any less a feminist because I am married with children, but our actions and voice in dealing with other women does. Maintaining this war between married women with children and childless unmarried women is what is truly holding us back.
If we continue to fight between ourselves what energy do we have left to fight for and achieve true and lasting gender equality?
Originally posted 2014-01-27 01:34:38.