Since becoming a mother, people have been offering advice more than ever. In addition to the well-intended advice I receive, I also tend to inform myself by reading widely on parenting issues.
Recently I read two different articles, one on guilt free parenting and another on refraining from saying “be careful” to your child. Both articles made many good points and gave me something to reflect on.
As Jake, now eight months old, is starting to crawl and pull himself up on everything, I hear myself saying “no” and “be careful” a lot. Before Jake started to move around so much, I imagined myself to be the type of parent who would make sure our whole house or at the least his room – would be a completely safe, childproofed place where he could be free to explore and I would not need to say “no” keeping the use of “no” for big things like telling him not to run across a road.
The reality however is very different. Now I find myself saying things like: “not the controller, Jake” or “be careful, don’t fall”. I suppose it is all about balance being the key. Balance between allowing Jake to be free to explore on one side, and being his parent and looking out for his wellbeing on the other. As he grows older, looking out for his wellbeing will inevitably change. For instance, when he is on his playmat, allowing him to pull up on his little blocks and fall on the mat is not such a bad thing and most of the time he just tries again.
This, I believe, teaches him how to try and to stand up when he falls, as well as perseverance and determination. Just this morning, while Jake was on the floor in his room playing with his new wooden walker and blocks, he slowly started to crawl towards the door and sat quietly in front of it. I was starting to wonder what he was doing when I caught sight of him putting something green in his mouth! It was one of those plastic containers that contain ant killer.
I immediately said “no” and went over to take it away from him without even asking him to give it to me. In this case, I consider that it is completely acceptable to do as I did without worrying about whether I will “ruin my child for life”.
I believe that it is important to set certain expectations with one’s parenting but to remain aware that parenting is one area of life where being flexible is always a good thing. Being flexible is not compromising one’s beliefs but rather being open to better ways of handling things.
Do share your insights on parenting and whether you are the parent you expected yourself to be before your child(ren) was born!
Originally posted 2014-09-30 22:42:27.
There’s a lot of wisdom here, Amanda. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.