I’ve had four children and I can tell you there’s nothing you could say to convince me to have my hair and makeup done, put on a pretty frock and head downstairs to face a media pack just hours after giving birth. I’d rather lay back in my hospital bed, babe in arms, and catch some much needed z’s.
As I watched images of Kate and William with baby Charlotte take over online media I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. They’ve just endured the gruelling business of birthing a baby and they’re expected to deal with a media circus and pretend like they wouldn’t be happier doing, well, anything else except posing for pictures.
You are judged
And then comes the judgement.
The Duchess is criticised for having her hair and makeup done, for the choice of dress. Then the name, although beautiful and giving a nod to both the Queen and the late Princess Diana, more judgement.
And now, she’s got to cope with two children under two – you guessed it, more criticism there.
I’ve been blogging about motherhood and parenting for a few years now and I’m constantly amazed at the judgement out there. And some issues, I have discovered, you just shouldn’t open that can of worms unless you’re ready to become involved in all out warfare.
I mean, if the world of parenting isn’t hard and confusing enough there’s the constant division on issues that leaves you thinking that you’re the worst person on earth!
There’s the natural birth and caesar debate, bottle and breast feeding, vaccinations, establish a routine or feed on demand, disposable or cloth nappies, baby carriers or prams, and co-sleeping: yes or no?
How closely spaced are your children, chances are you’ve got that wrong too. NFP is a no-go zone for some, and a staple for others. And the number of kids, I didn’t realise it was possible to offend people based on how many children you have.
What about solids? Will you be starting at 4 or 6 months, beginning with purée or trying baby lead weaning? Going back to work, working part time or choosing to be a stay at home mum, it doesn’t matter you’re going to be judged regardless.
Where are you sending your kids to school or are you home schooling?
Its madness and it has to stop.
Judge not
The best advice I ever received with regards to being a mum is to follow your instincts. Let prayer and discernment be your guide.
I have four children under 7. I’ve breastfed all of them, delivered naturally but not always complication free, and hardly used a baby carrier mostly because my kids are usually overdue and big (one topped the scales at over 10 pounds which was almost 10% of my regular weight) and by 6 months are just too heavy to carry without destroying my back. I start solids at four months with puree, use NFP to space them so my diastasis almost disappears ready for the next one and I vaccinate. I use disposable nappies and sleep them in their own room from day one. I work from home but it’s mostly on a volunteer unpaid basis aside from a small hobby business.
That’s what works for me but if that’s not right for you that’s ok and there’s no need for us to judge each other.
We need to accept that not all parenting techniques work for everyone, otherwise we’d get a parenting manual after birth and we’d never have these issues. If you can’t, or decide not to breastfeed that’s ok, don’t feel bad about it. If you want to have a natural birth but you need a Caesar don’t feel guilty, you haven’t let anyone down.
Pregnant again and the space is only thirteen months, good on you that’s fantastic news. Your children will grow up as great friends. Don’t want to use a baby carrier or co-sleep, then don’t. Do what works for you and your family.
Let’s stop judging each other and instead find ways to support each other as we parent. Parenting is not always easy and sometimes it’s downright hard which is why wasting time judging the choices of others is counter-productive.
Like a lot of advice, the truth is often somewhere in the middle. If there’s one camp talking rain and the other talking sun, its likely a cloudy day. You just have to work it out for yourself.
And that, my friends, is all part of the ride of parenting.
Originally posted 2015-06-03 12:00:39.
Great article Emily! Just what i needed to hear right now 🙂