When I first heard of marriage being a ‘vocation’, this idea struck me as being a little foreign. When I hear the term vocation, words such as ‘priest’, ‘nun’ or ‘the religious’ come to mind.
Pope John Paul II referred to St Josemaria Escriva as the patron saint of ‘ordinary life’. It was St Josemaria who said that “anyone who thinks that love ends when the worries and difficulties that life brings with it begin, has a poor idea of marriage, which is a sacrament and an ideal and a vocation. It is precisely then that love grows strong”.
So how can we live out our vocation in marriage? I always knew that the sacrament of Matrimony brought with it a lot of strength and graces from Our Lord. What I didn’t realise was that each day, I am called to be the best wife, homemaker and mother in everyday circumstances; without doing anything extraordinary.
Here is something I learnt early on in my marriage, (which I am sure many of you already know) true love consist of total self-giving, generosity of spirit and unconditional love. It is then that we are happiest!
We all know that it is easy to love when we are feeling ‘in love’. Words of affection, kind gestures and warmth towards your spouse come naturally. I have found however, that true love is tested in those moments of difficulty; big, small or those everyday demands on us as parents, employees, wives and husbands. It could simply be that your children have fallen sick and you have to continue through the tiredness and stress. Being loving and patient towards your husband can become more of a challenge. Or perhaps, your husband returns from work feeling irritated from an overwhelming day; you too may feel the need to unload your exhausting day about the kids. Instead you hold in your comments and give him that love and care he needs.
Our local parish priest once told us in a homily “in moments of crisis, one needs love and support, not judgment”. These words constantly ring in my ears. It can be so easy to judge one another in the smallest of things. This is when we have to work against those habits of pride, selfishness and indifference to devote our whole life, a hundred percent to one another.
Here are some areas you could try to focus on in your marriage:
Patience: Allowing your husband to tell you about his day first before you unload about your day, is a great example of patience and generosity. If your husband has had a trying day, offer encouragement and positive support. This can be a generous sacrifice on your part; to listen without interrupting. Often I find that my husband does not need me to ‘solve’ his problem for him; rather what he needs is reassurance and understanding. Let him know from time to time that he is a great husband and a wonderful father to your children.
Being Pleasant: Each night, try to make that extra effort not to lose interior peace. Be aware of your own presence, body language and how you are acting and responding to your family. This does not mean never losing patience, as this would be impossible for anyone! Instead, it is more about rectifying your thoughts or intentions immediately to change or make a situation better. Try to be gracious with one another at all times opposed to when you ‘feel like it’. Sometimes I like to think back to the moments when we first met one another, back to when we were dating and how we did everything to please each other! It is those moments that should bring your marriage to life each day.
Think before you speak: It is necessary to let our spouse know how we are feeling; whether we are upset by a situation, or communicating a desire. I have found that anything can be said, so long as it is said affectionately and with the best intention at heart. Pre-framing before you start explaining can be helpful and picking an appropriate time to share your feelings is good to take into consideration as well. Think about what you are going to say, instead reacting in emotion. Aim to say things that you will not need to ‘take back’ later. Choose your words carefully; adding a simple ‘please’, ‘thank you’ or ‘I would really appreciate if…’ can make a huge difference. It sounds basic but this could enable you to provide constructive feedback oppose to attacking your spouse or starting an unnecessary argument.
Communication and Quality Time: This is such an important area in marriage and can often be the first thing to go amongst couples. When my husband and I are both exhausted from the day, we may prefer to keep to ourselves and may be withdrawn. Try to make time with your husband each day to ask about specific issues or events of his day. A simple ‘are you feeling okay?’ said with kindness could help your husband open up something which he may have bottled up inside or an issue bothering him. Avoid habits, like turning the TV on every night. Make time to be together and enjoy each others company. Stay in touch with one another during the day, even if it is via quick text messages or a phone call. Making these little efforts will keep you apart of each others lives, with busy schedules and late hours it is very easy to become “passing ships.” We can’t wait for a spare moment to spend time together, we need to make time for each other.
Unconditional Love: True love consists in that never-ending giving of oneself! Persist in giving even though no one may be noticing. The thousands of details and acts of service towards your husband and children can perpetually be offered to our Lord. They are never wasted and no action is too small. It may be a constant battle offering those tiny details. I find that attaching an intention to each task I do helps me, e.g., praying for a friend who is no longer practicing in her faith or for a family member who is sick.
These are just some of the ways we can live out our vocation to be the best wives, mothers and homemakers we can be.
Remember that God has given each of us a special talent. It is our job to use these to the best of our ability in raising our family, loving our husbands and taking care of our home. Every task and daily chore can be taken to the next level by offering it up to Our Lord. The works of the home don’t have to be ‘meaningless’ or ‘thankless chores’ – that can be your stepping stones to heaven, and what we are all called to, sainthood. Being a stay at home mum is a privilege.
My hope is we all embrace this vocation as an important and valuable job. Maybe the most important job there is?
Realising, that you are irreplaceable as a mother.
References:
Josemaria Escriva, Christ is Passing By, “Marriage, a Christian vocation”
Originally posted 2014-03-20 02:37:50.