As we all know, communication is fundamental in our relationships. Our childhood and upbringing has a lot to do with how we communicate. If we grew up in a family where discussion meant debate it is likely that you will talk very differently than if you grew up in a family where discussion meant sharing our views and opinions with one another.
Be aware of How you are Communicating
Sometime, we do not realise that what we are saying is actually hurting our partner. Try to avoid hurtful behaviours such as criticism and name-calling.
Try not to let Emotions take over
We all know that excessive emotions can derail a conversation and turn it into a full-blown fight. Sometimes if you find yourself frustrated, angry or upset, it’s best to pause the conversation and give yourself some time to calm down.
Express your Negative Feelings Constructively
Express yourself and your opinion without attacking the other person. It does not mean you have to hold in every negative feeling (this is not healthy either). Negative feelings have to be expressed in order for couples to be able to adapt and adjust to each other’s needs.
Don’t Exaggerate
Try to avoid words like “always” and “never”. EG: “You never help me with bathing the kids” or “You always leave the table messy”. Your spouse might actually be trying to work on some of these areas himself and by you attacking him does not offer encouragement.
Avoid Mindreading
Nothing is more infuriating than to be told that someone else knows better than you what you were really thinking. In spite of what you say to the contrary, someone is convinced that you had malicious motives or harmful intentions.
Use more “I” statements and less “You” statements.
A criticism which begins with, “You…” might seem like more of an attack. For example, “You don’t show me enough appreciation for all the housework that I do.” Instead, try “I wish you would acknowledge more often how much work I do at home to take care of you and the children.”
Don’t Generalize
Your husband is not a mind reader so be specific and try to give examples. Get to the point of the issue and speak about it calmly with him trying to resolve the problem. It is unfair to feel hurt or sensitive if you have not been clear in the first place. Never ‘assume’ that your partner should know better.
Be a Good Listener
Listening is an essential and valuable skill and is enormously appreciated by others. When you are engaged in a meaningful conversation, say to your spouse, “Tell me more.” This shows them your intention to listen and really know them and understand the issue.
Create an Environment where Everyone feels Safe
This way one can express ideas, opinions, and feelings, or plan and problem solve in creative ways.
Look for Humour in the Situation
When used appropriately, humour is a great way to relieve stress when communicating. If you find that tension is building up quickly, find a way to somehow lighten the mood.
Be willing to Compromise
Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, you’ll be able to find a happy middle ground that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned. If you realize that the other person cares much more about something than you do, be happy to compromise.
References:
Million Dollar Marriages
Originally posted 2013-10-31 00:05:30.