Sometimes we may get this impression that saints lived hundreds of years ago and they were these dull and dreary figures in history. What we are failing to realise is that they all had one (of rather two) things in common – they loved God with all their heart and … they were CHEERFUL!
This got me thinking, how cheerful are we as mothers and wives? Is there a switch we turn on and off depending on our moods? Are we only cheerful when life goes our way?
Cheerfulness is a DECISION!
Regardless of what is going on in our life in any moment, we can choose to live the spirit of cheerfulness. At times, it can be tough to swallow our pride when someone upsets or offends us. Perhaps we have felt misjudged in a situation or even worse have been unfairly accused of something. How do we react?
Saint Josemaria would say “Pray, keep quiet, smile and forgive.”
Of course at times it is necessary to deal with the situation appropriately. However, it is important to remember that whatever needs to be said is said in a loving and affectionate tone without offending the other person and without losing our calm.
Here are some examples:
Cheerfulness With The Children:
Ahhh … this is actually an easy one for me as long as the kids are well behaved, helpful and being adorable! Is that asking too much??? …What happens when they fight, bicker with one another and create a non-stop mess? I’m sure there are times we feel like pulling our hair out!!
The thing is, shouting at our children and constantly being negative with them creates an unpleasant tone in the house. There is probably nothing worse than a mother shouting at her children to “STOP FIGHTING!!” as the husband walks through the door home from work.
- Provide a lot of positive reinforcement whenever possible ‘well done for eating your dinner nicely… good job for speaking politely to mummy.”
- Use positive language instead of negative language where possible ‘Johnny, please walk next to mummy’, instead of ‘Johnny, STOP running.’
There will still be days where our children will test our patience.. how else will we learn this virtue? Haha! Children are stepping stones to heaven. In each situation, where we find ourselves quickly losing our calm, ask Our Lady for help and entrust her with those problems before you. After all, who better than the Blessed Mother to have as our model and guide?
Overcoming Tiredness:
I believe tiredness and motherhood go hand in hand, our job certainly can be demanding. We see to the cooking, cleaning, attending to the needs of our children and yet still have dinner on the table by 6pm!
Our lives may never stop being busy. More than often, we will be on the go all the time and with little time to ourselves. This is definitely more apparent with a few kiddies in the picture!
So here is what you do…
Live every moment with and for Jesus. Whether it be washing the dishes or bathing the kids, do it all for the glory of God. Maybe we do manage to squeeze in that half hour of our favourite TV program at night… do that with Our Lord too! This way, our whole life is centered around Him and this leaves us little time for self-centeredness. Every moment of our day, the good parts and also our struggles are shared with our Lord.
Keeping Our Peace:
It is important that you identify those areas in life which cause you to lose peace, because once we lose that interior calm, we will often give up our struggle in being cheerful and give in to our moods.
Whether it be a messy house, whiny kids or perhaps your husband’s slightly abrupt nature with you when he gets home from work, learn to identify the trigger and decide specifically how you want to tackle each situation. For example:
- My daughter’s whining drives me up the wall, and my first impulse is to raise my voice at her. Instead, try counting to 10 before reacting, then in a controlled tone, ask her to stop her whining or you will follow through with consequences.
- The house is constantly messy and it drives you nuts? Approach those chores more supernaturally. With every toy you pick up from the floor, you could say ‘for my children’s vocations in life’. Sometimes I find myself repeating this 20 times! My 1.5 year old surely knows how to make a mess!
By controlling our emotions, even though we may initially feel like reacting is heroic, it takes will power and self-control, but does become easier once it is a habit to do so. Click here for ’10 Tips For Keeping Peace In The Home’.
The Cheerful Smile:
A cheerful, smiling mother is such a beautiful sight, yet how difficult this is to do at times.
But guess what? Pretending to smile is OKAY! More than often, we don’t feel bursts of energy or enthusiasm as our husband comes home from work. We are probably running on very low fuel by that point!
Smiling even though we don’t feel like it is not only a big sacrifice but can actually help to change our mood quite quickly. Everybody has a bad day from time to time and what a gift it is if we can help them overcome their mood.
Try the mirror trick: have a small mirror somewhere in your house, perhaps the kitchen or living area. From time to time, check to see what your face looks like. This may sounds silly, but often when we are tired and overwhelmed from a long day, our face tends to look that way too. When passing this mirror, take the opportunity to turn your tired frown upside down!
As Nat King Cole puts best through one of his great classics, “Smile though your heart is aching, Smile even though it’s breaking… You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, If you just smile.”
Charity And Cheerfulness:
Learn TO make excuses for others. This is a very generous form or self-giving. Acknowledge that your husband too, is often exhausted after his long day and may not particularly feel like chatting to you right away. Try to take care of his needs first before worrying about your own well being.
I’m sure there are times when we feel our job is more physically demanding and full on, but try to remember that your husband will always have the weight and responsibility of being the main provider for the family, and this can be stressful!
When we are constantly making excuses for others, and practice understanding, we will less likely fall into self-pity as we have genuine concern for them.
We have all heard of that saying ‘what goes around comes around’. When a mother sets a high tone of positivity, joyfulness and optimism in the home, the husband and children are far more likely to follow. And vice versa, if mum is cranky and sulkily serves her family simply because she ‘has to’, everyone tends to take on that same moody spirit.
Mother Theresa of Calcutta said, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”
What generosity it is to serve constantly without ever breaking that cheerful spirit. Even if at times we have to hide our exhaustion or even brush away tears, it is so worthwhile. If we bear in mind that the needs of our family come first, then we will slowly tear away at that self-love and as a result be very, very happy!
With all the disruption and lack of peace in the world today, it is no wonder that charity begins in the home!
Originally posted 2015-03-25 12:00:13.