We want the best for our children and so we try to limit their exposure to harmful influences. This is no easy feat.
It’s harder still when those influences are within your extended family. On the one hand you want your children to know and love their family but on the other hand you’re concerned that their influence will be detrimental for your children.
I recently read a blog post that suggested that in this instance we need to view ourselves as missionaries to those members of our family. I like that idea, I think it’s important and a great way to see our role within our extended family.
But that still doesn’t help our children in their presence. So, then, what can we do?
Control meetings
Limiting exposure to bad influences is key. If you can choose where, when, and for how long, you visit these members of the family you can limit harmful exposure. For instance, if you’ve noticed that visits under an hour are generally ok, make that your optimum time and try to get away at this interval.
You may also have noticed that these family members are worse in a particular environment, for example their own home, so why not organise to meet somewhere else like at a coffee shop or park where you are free to leave at your hour mark and where they might be behaving a bit better.
It’s also a good idea not to meet these people too frequently. The old saying familiarity breeds contempt. Small, controlled and spaced meetings are key here.
Be open with your children
They’re going to ask why Uncle so and so isn’t going to Mass. You don’t have to give the gory details just explain that because of sin we don’t always make the right decisions but that we should pray for Uncle so and so, that God may work in in Him and bring him back to Mass and sanctifying grace.
It’s also a good idea, once you’re back home, to lightly touch on any bad behaviour these family members may have demonstrated in front of your children: yelling, disrespecting their spouse, anti-Catholic sentiments etc. Don’t make a big deal out of the behaviour itself but ask the children to pray for that person to help them become more like Jesus.
Yes, I’ll admit, you can avoid touching on these with your children but it is quite possible that as uncomfortable as the conversation may be, if you don’t address it, your children will mention it or model that behaviour. Better to nip it in the bud early even if it means explaining that their uncle shouldn’t have spoken to their grandmother like that or that granny and gramps should have resisted flying into a heated argument in their presence.
Pray, pray, pray
Pray for these family members and pray as preparation before you go to meet with them. Ask God to help you, and the children, come through the visit unscathed and pray for patience for yourself and guidance to help them.
Forgive
Yes, they may be a source of harmful influence but they are still human. Let go of the hurts of the past and forgive them wholeheartedly for them. It is more than probable that you will need to continue to forgive them for many more hurts along the way.
Family is important
Your loyalty is to your spouse and children first. If you have to pull back from extended family because of their harmful influence don’t feel guilty. You can always gently explain this to those family members, if you think they could handle that conversation, and you need not make it too obvious. Now that you’re busy with your own family they will expect you to pull back a little, so use this to help you in this situation.
Navigating family life can be tricky but if you focus on Christ he’ll guide you through this and, who knows, maybe those bad influences will be changed for the better and you won’t have to worry about it anymore!
Originally posted 2015-11-25 03:06:52.