Being a parent is a challenging job! There are some days when I question why I acted or reacted a certain way with my children. Was it the best way? Could I have responded with more patience and remained more calm and composed?
As parents, we want to try and maintain a close and open relationship with our children. This helps ensure that our children stay connected to us through all ages of their upbringing.
I found that even at the young age of three, my son has managed to pick up on certain cues when I am perhaps a bit preoccupied with something. Changing my baby’s nappy the other day, he asked me a question; I responded in a monotone voice without looking at him. He stared at me and said “Mummy, why are you not happy?” This got me thinking about how I could improve my relationship with my children in every moment, because sometimes that brief moment passes and we have lost that opportunity to provide that love and affection which is so important to maintain that close connection with them always.
With our busy lives full of errands, appointments and social events, it can sometimes feel like we need to make grand gestures to let our kids know they’re loved and special.
Here are some simple and ultimately very meaningful ways I found, that can make children feel special.
You can never say ‘I love you’ enough
Tell your child you love him every day, many times a day! It does not matter how old they are, they will never tire of hearing it. It is important that your child always feels loved even on those more trying or tiring days. Sometimes when I need to correct a certain behavior or action, I begin with “Mummy loves you a lot, however what you did has made Mummy very upset.”
Have fun with your children
I once read that you should ‘waste time’ with your children. What does this mean? The key is to really play with your children. Sing to them, play with their dolls, balls, make believe or whatever they find fun and interesting. It doesn’t matter what you play, just enjoy each other! That quality one on one time with them is so important and tends to get lost in so many families today. Personally, I find I have to make a conscious effort to at times stop what I am doing and get involved in what THEY are doing.
Pass on your faith to your children
As we know our faith is so important to us. My husband and I encourage questions from our children and when possible we try to respond honestly to them. You could also do simple actions, such as blessing your child with holy water (this can make them feel safe and protected before they sleep at night) and praying simple prayers before meals/bedtime with them, which can begin from birth really!
Seize those opportunities
Even if it is a simple activity, your toddler or five-year old will appreciate that special bonding time with them. Sometimes it might just be a walk around the neighborhood or a special trip to the playground with Dad. Although it can be more of a challenge the more children in a family, it is well worth it and it can be done! It may even be more important. Each child needs that individual love and attention from Mum and Dad.
Think creatively and the opportunities created for your children will be the ones they remember in the future. When I was seven years old, my Mum gave us 10 minutes of ‘free time’ with her each day. She would play any game or participate in any chosen activity with us! Until today I have not forgotten this memory and how special I found that time alone together. Even though the time was short, this did not seem to be an issue, what I really appreciated was that quality time.
Something special at bedtime
This might be a bit tricky if you have a few children and bedtime is chaotic with bathing them, brushing teeth etc. For younger children however, reading a favorite bedtime book or telling stories is a ritual that will be remembered most likely throughout their life. If reading a book together is not possible, you could just sing them a bedtime song or say a prayer together!
Let your children feel appreciated
We try as much as possible to allow our children to help us out. This is our way of showing them they are appreciated and needed. Sometimes as parents, we miss opportunities to forge closer relationships by not allowing our child to help with various tasks and chores. At times, it is quicker to unload the groceries ourselves or clean up a mess or spill. Teaching our children to take responsibility in these areas however shows them that you value them. I also find that my children get very excited when I ask for their opinion such as “which dress do you prefer Mummy to wear?”
Meal time = family time
We have always had the habit of sitting down for a family meal. It doesn’t matter what age your children are, it is never too early or late to start. You can make each child feel included in conversation even if they are only young. We try to give all of our children an opportunity to share, even if with a simple question such as “did you have fun at the park today?” This can get them telling their own personal story to the rest of the family. It is also really important to turn the TV off during meals. Spend that quality time and try not to rush through the meal.
Make them a priority in your life
Children are your NUMBER ONE! (After your husband!) Your children need to know that YOU believe they are a priority in your life. Sometimes I find that it is important not to worry about the little things that we can all get so caught up on each day; the mess, the chaos, tantrums etc. We have to remember to just enjoy them! We all know how fast they grow up and every day together with them should be special and meaningful without having to do anything extraordinary.
As I read in the Smart Martha book “you can’t have quality time without quantity time.” (Smart Martha’s Catholic Guide for busy Mums by Tami Kiser)
Making your child feel special is in fact very simple. Our children will feel special when they are acknowledged, trusted, listened to and respected. It is not so much the activities you do, but the energy behind the activities that can make your child feel loved, appreciated and cared for.
Are there any particular activities you do or special ways in which you share that one on one time with your children?
References:
Smart Martha’s Catholic Guide For Busy Mums – Tami Kiser
Originally posted 2013-12-27 22:15:57.