6 Tips To Love Your Husband For Just The Man He Is

 

I’m sure many of us have heard of that saying “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”. Even though many of us may be compatible with our husbands, we can function quite differently from one another, depending on our interests, personal experience, strengths and weaknesses, and temperament. Here are just a few ways you can choose to love your husband for just the man he is..

 

 Choose to see the good in your husband

I think we can all honestly say that none of us is perfection personified! We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. In the earlier days of a relationship it can be easy to see all the ‘good’ things about a person. Over time and with increasing pressures of work and family life, we may lose sight of these. We may even forget that we in fact are different from our husbands, and become dismayed when misunderstandings arise. Take the time to remember what first attracted you to your husband.  If you are quiet and introverted you may have been extremely drawn to his enthusiasm and energy for life. If you are a go-getter yourself, always busy and on the run you may admire the calm and gentle nature of your husband, his patience and attention to detail. In many cases the many things that you first loved in your spouse, may later frustrate and annoy you. It’s true, and it happens to all of us! We can misunderstand each other and criticize what we do not understand. We must do our best to appreciate the beauty and purpose of our differences.

I remember my mother telling me this long before I was married and these words have stuck with me. “In marriage there will always a thousand things to pick on. Always choose to see the good in the other person and you will make your marriage work”.

A good tip can be to not let a single day pass without expressing appreciation for at least one thing your husband has said or done. Thank him for those many little things that he does which perhaps at times may go unnoticed.

 

Let your husband lead

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church” Ephesians 5:22-33.

It is important that we learn to recognise our husbands strengths. Each of us has strengths and weaknesses. As men and women we were each created so differently by God and for a specific purpose.  It is these differences between a man and a woman that are very valuable in a marriage. Instead of working alone or making individual choices, we compliment one another to bring out the best in our spouse.  

We can look at this excerpt from Ephesians and get offended, or we can look at the beauty of the family unit, recognising why in fact God made us this way? If we look at just some of the differences between us we can see just why these (some may call them) ‘traditional roles’ have some merit after all. It will come as no surprise to hear how differently men and women function on an emotional level. Women are naturally very in-tune with their emotions, it is this beautiful gift that allows them the ability to patient and loving mothers. Able to answer the cries of their child time and time again, each night with compassion and gentleness. Men have the ability to ‘swtich off’ the emotional side, in a work environment this allows them to work tirelessly and not take things personally or to heart if comments are made by superiors or co workers.

We can see in a family unit, a male has the ability to make decisions for the whole family unaffected by emotions. If he is entrusted with the responsibility, he has the ability to make decisions for the best of everyone. A role like this fulfills a deep need within a man, to be the protector and provider for his family. God created men with this desire written on their heart, and it creates harmonious balance within family life. Your children will find great strength and security from this. It also allows the wife to use her strengths as the nurturer and homemaker without the added pressure of being “everything.”

 

Appreciate him. Appreciate the value of “Dad”

It can be tempting as women to multitask a little too much and we can perhaps get into the habit of ‘doing everything’ that we forget the importance of ‘Dad’. In addition this can cause our husbands to withdraw from their role and perhaps undervalue and under utilise it. This would be very sad, children need the love of their fathers to grow and develop into confident children with a high self worth.

I still remember what a midwife once said to me when I told her that my husband was taking care of the children. She responded, saying it is great to leave the children at home with their father from time to time and said “I never criticise him, no matter what he did with the children.”  I found this so priceless to hear. I do believe that every husband needs to know that he is a capable father and can care for his children just as well as we can.

Our husbands may think differently, communicate differently, parent and play with our children differently. And that is exactly how it is suppose to be! I was once told ‘a father is his daughter’s first love’ – let him be this. Encourage him to be affectionate with his daughters. Remind him of his important role, they will grow up and want to marry someone just like him! For your sons, you are his hero. He will look to you as an example of the man he ought to be. He will admire you and want to be just like you. Treasure your relationship, guide and teach him the ways of the world.

 

Give of yourself unconditionally

This can be a challenging task. Regardless of whether your hubby has had a good or bad day, always give him your whole self when we walks through the front door. Of course at the end of the day you are both tired, it can be so easy to lose patience with each other in this state. By just exerting a little extra self control (for the greater good), you can create that loving home environment and allow your husband to feel solace and peace upon arrival.

Some days, particularly around 6pm, the children can be quite unsettled, mostly due to tiredness. Even though this is a chaotic time, I make an effort to avoid rushing around the house as soon as my husband comes home from work. Do your best to be attentive if he would like to share, and understanding if he needs some time alone to unwind. Respect his role and that he too is tired at the end of the day. Some days I even find it helpful to say these words out loud as I see my husband approaching the door; “Lord, help me to be cheerful, help me to smile.” Something so simple, yet it can be effective when you make a conscious effort to do so. Doing this, our husbands will feel happy to be home and look forward to walking through that door after a hard day. When you hug or hold your husband after being apart for the day, embrace him in a way so he feels your love, warmth and security.

 

Be understanding of his job

Take interest in your husband’s job and what he does. Be attentive when he speaks to you about his day, even if it may be of little interest to you. Generally when men speak, it can be for different reasons to women. We need to do our best to listen attentively – not to interrupt – even if the temptation should arise, and you will find he will be much more willing to share his thoughts with you. Ask questions and encourage him. Let him know how much you appreciate the demands of his job. It seems to be inbuilt in men to have the desire for success in his career, and a lot of his self esteem can come from how well he provides for his family. Acknowledge the importance of his happiness at work and encourage him to work in an environment he feels passionately about.

 

Speak well of your husband

There is never a greater compliment to hear, then when a friend or acquaintance mentions how highly your spouse speaks of you when you are not around. Remember the old phrase “Praise in public, punish in private.” There may be times when you are less than impressed with your husbands behaviour, but try to refrian from discussing this too openly with others around you. Although this may be a temporary emotion for you, you may be unintentionally bearing false witness against your husband! Building up negative or untrue images of him to those around you, and influencing their opinion of him. Do you best to keep the family matters within the family, and if you have an issue discuss it with your husband first or a trusted confidant. Most importantly be respectful of your husbands differences. Admire him for his strengths and speak highly of him in front of your children. Show your children from a young age how much you care for their father and respect him as the head of the household.

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Remember, it is a choice to love your husband for just the man he is. On those days, when life may seem difficult or overwhelming, remember that marriage is a vocation, and with it comes a lot of grace from our Lord to conquer in those little or large battles he may send our way.

Turn towards our Blessed Mother Mary and meditate on her relationship with St Joseph. How she would have joyfully served him each day with total charity and affection, always putting his needs before her own.

This requires great sacrifice but with it also comes a lot of peace, serenity and happiness.

St John of the Cross reminds us that “where there is no love, put love – and you will find love”.   

 

What do you do to make your husband feel special and appreciated? We would love you to share any comments with us below.

 

Originally posted 2014-09-17 22:20:22.