If you are looking for some strategies to help you in dealing with your kids in a positive and affirming way, below are 4 Highly Effective Strategies To Create Happy Kids that might work for you!
1) Waiting Hands
Ever experience those moments when your child or children are swarming around you trying to reach for what is in your hand? Perhaps you are making lunch, or you have something special to share with them. They want to see it NOW. They want to touch it NOW. They need it NOW!
Here is your solution…’Waiting Hands!’
Waiting Hands is a very simple strategy to teach your child to either sit or stand quietly until you are ready to give them the attention or the item they are waiting for.
When using waiting hands, children clasp their two hands together and bring their hands to their tummy. EG: while waiting for a sandwich my 3-year-old bangs noisily on the kitchen counter getting impatient. I look at her and say ‘please use your waiting hands until Mummy is ready’. As she has heard this many times, she immediately clasps her hands together and her whole body settles.
Very effective.
2) The Thought Bubble
Often children find it difficult to understand thoughts and feelings. Behaviour can become unpleasant or challenging when your child is trying to express themselves but does not understand how to. This may often result in the child becoming distressed and shouting, fighting or hitting.
The thought bubble is a visual aid held above your head or your child’s head to help one another understand what eachother is thinking. This reinforces the concept that everyone can have different thoughts.
EG: Johnny pushes his little brother as Billy does not want to play blocks with him.
Here is how you would use the thought bubble:
“Johnny is thinking that he wants to play with the blocks because they are fun. Billy has different thoughts, he is thinking he would rather play with the trucks now. Why don’t we ask Billy if he would like to play blocks with you later?’
When your child has a visual aid to ‘see’ that others have thoughts unlike his own, situations can become a lot easier for them to comprehend.
To make the thought bubble, simply draw a thought bubble on a piece of card paper and cut it out. Attach a popsicle stick to hold it.
Another good visual aid you may like to refer to is the ‘Colour Chart’. This is also very effective in helping to explain thoughts and feelings.
3) Role Playing
This is a great method to explain a situation which your child may have difficulty comprehending. Here is an example of how to role play with your child:
My four year old son had difficulty losing. He simply hates losing in games and races. Everything had to be a competition against his other siblings and he always had to win, even in finishing his meals! This of course became a real issue as he would only play if he knew he could win, otherwise he would sit out of the game.
Solution: set up a pretend race with soft toys. Choose soft toys for your child and say “In this race, you are holding Teddy and Teddy is going to come last in the race. Mummy is holding Dolly and Dolly is going to win the race.”
When you role play, you have lots of opportunities to focus on the language you want to reinforce. “Sometimes, people win and sometimes they lose. Losing is okay! Someone always has to come last in a game or a race.”
You can also focus a lot on how your child may be feeling in that moment. This helps them to come to terms with the situation. “When you win, you feel happy! If you lose you may feel sad, but that’s okay because we can try harder next time. If your friend loses you may encourage them by saying ‘great trying!’”
4) Ask And Wait
When children want something, they may find it just impossible to wait. But hey, let’s face it, some days even as adults we don’t like waiting! Here is how you can teach your child to learn to wait and avoid repeating themselves to be heard.
“Mummy, can I have some of your cake?” (Now times this by ten!) … sound familiar? Your child does not give you an opportunity to respond or react but instead repeats again and again until you acknowledge her or finally give in.
Teach your child to ‘ask… and wait’. When she begins to repeat herself, look at her and calmly say ‘you need to ask, and wait.’ Make sure you keep calm. Remember, in this moment, you are teaching them a new concept which they will need to practice for it to become effective. You can follow by saying ‘when you wait, mummy will listen to you.’
Initially, the child will continue her old habits of repeatedly asking. The trick is, you are only allowed to say this to her face ONCE. If you repeat yourself by saying ‘I said, you need to ask and wait’, you are giving her attention in this moment which you want to avoid.
Give ZERO attention and look away until you see her stop and wait for you. The moment you seeing her waiting (which is 3 seconds of being quiet) react immediately by saying “Good waiting! Well done. Mummy is now listening to you.”
These are highly effective strategies to keep both mum and kids calm. When these are practised repeatedly, they become a habit and second nature to us and our children.
Don’t forget that our children love us SO much and genuinely want to please us. If we can help them with strategies such as these, it will teach them to develop independence and responsibility from a young age.
Do you have any strategies you find particularly helpful?
Originally posted 2015-05-27 12:00:32.